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Underwear Models Need Not Apply

Ladies, ladies--I love to see a good looking fashion model in frilly undies as much as the next guy, but not at work! Showing your bra straps or the T-top on your thong may get you a job as a presidential aid, but it won't help your career. My Lord! How hard is it to put on a darned shirt? I can watch "Dancing With the Stars" and see more skin and more eye candy than at the nearest nude beach, but I STILL won't see a single bra strap or panty line. Even if you work in entertainment or the restaurant field, nobody wants to work with a woman who dresses like a plumbing school reject.

I'm not saying women shouldn't be sexual beings, or aren't entitled to have a sex life, or aren't allowed to be glamorous, I'm just reminding my female readers (especially the young ones who don't seem to get it yet), that you need to dress to impress. What impression are you giving when you show everyone your underwear? "Look, I'm sloppy!" or maybe, "Hey, my momma lets me dress myself!" or possibly, "I'm not a prostitute, I just dress like one at work!" Showing your underwear (girl or guy) is sloppy, unprofessional and inappropriate at ANY job classier than a strip club. You ain't in college any more, girl! Get a mirror and use it, or learn to get along on minimum wage.

It's Valentine's Day--Love Your Boss

No, I'm not saying you should MAKE love to your boss on Valentine's Day (I mean, you can if you want, but you won't get a raise, and you are probably just asking for trouble). No, what I mean is that in honor of Valentine's Day, you should try to SEE your boss as a real human being: someone with needs, problems, defects and shortcomings. In other words, someone a lot like you and me!

I'm not saying you should suck up either. I HATE suck-ups! But you can treat your boss with a little respect without sucking up. Buy him a soda for once--you big spender you! Ask him about his day. See if there is something she needs. You would appreciate it if he (for once) asked how you were (and really meant it). Right? So, return the favor ahead of time. Love your boss, in a friendly, honest, brotherly, work-mate sort of way. It can't hurt.

PS
Just let me add that a back rub on Valentine's Day IS over the line!

Presidential Race Teachers Valuable Lessons

Nobody could ever accuse politicians as a group of being honest. It seems like their real job is to spin and twist the truth till it screams. Of course, spinning is like sweating, and you know that to make a good impression, you never want to let them see you sweat.

So, while early in the presidential nomination process everyone was talking all goodness and light, now the gloves are off. Someone finally noticed Obama was black. Clinton is posing for staged candid photos where her key rival won't shake her hand. One candidate accused McCain of not really being a republican (he hasn't been one for years), and he in turn accused the former governor of Massachusetts of being--gasp--a liberal! What does all this teach us about human nature?

Pressure Will Reveal Your True Nature

When your back is to the wall, will you spin, lie and steal, or stand tall and speak the truth? When your favorite customer is unhappy about a missed deadline, will they still be fun and upbeat with you on the telephone, or will they snap at you like a turtle after a bug?

If your behavior changes too much under pressure, ask yourself what it means. When people around you change because of a deadline or a little criticism, what does it say about their true colors? You may not like the answers, but they may be the most honest answers you can get.

Holiday Party Animals

Holiday parities are coming and I want you to enjoy them. The question is, are you having as much fun as these party animals?

The Rhino: No worries for this guy. He has a thick skin and a big horn. Half drunk comments about his business acumen won't set him off. He's the baddest animal on the savanna and barely notices everyday slights that might derail a lesser beast. While some animals couldn't resist sticking there big horn in everybody else's business, the rhino just can't be bothered. If you are a rhino, grab a drink and relax.

The Gorilla: This guy likes to enjoy parties by grooming others. "Doesn't your hair look nice?" "Oh, that dress looks great on you." He's not making a pass, he's just passing out complements. Gorillas are prone to displays of wild abandon. If you are a gorilla and feel like dancing on a table, makes sure to keep your clothes ON. Warning: Keep your head down around gorillas that eat their own poop. When they drink too much holiday cheer, they can start flinging that stuff everywhere.

The Meerkat. She may seem a little jittery, but give this little dynamo a party hat and she can be great fun. Let her watch the door or the punch bowel for awhile so she can feel she's done her duty, then have someone take over for her and she'll really light up. "Me? You want to party with ME? Oh, thank you, thank you!" If you are a meerkat, try to control the impulse to cuddle: some people may think that when you sit on their lap and wriggle around you want more than just your ears scratched.

The Warthog. Man or woman, warthogs like to take charge. They live to sniff out trouble and poke other animals with their horns. That's not alway a bad thing. To enjoy partying with a warthog, give him or her some cake (well, plenty of cake) and steer them into the appropriate herd or pack. Rhinos can handle warthogs, rams and goats love them too. If you are a warthog, try to control your urge to grab all the snack trays and put them on your table. Other animals need to kibble too.

The Cheetah.  Sleek and  elegant, cheetahs are cool cats. They are happy lounging on a sofa or ripping up the cushions. While they look slinky and laid back, cheetahs are also fast, agile and tricky. While everyone else is standing in the buffet line, they're still cleaning their fur in the back of the room. But when you bring them a plate, you may find they've just finished a fresh kill. If you are a cheetah, do try to resist the urge to party hop. It is polite to stay at least 10 minutes are each one.

These are my top five party animals, but there are many others. It is good to know what kind of party animal you are, that way you can be sure to get what you enjoy most during the great holiday feeding frenzy.

PS
Learn more about my fun cartoon tip booklet "Rodney's 52 Ways to Impress Your Boss--Without Sucking Up!" here. This booklet is a hoot and makes a wonderful business premium, holiday gift, or year end thank you mailer. E-mail me to learn more about buying in bulk.

Whiners Need Not Apply

I used to work with a young woman, let's call her Jane. She didn't work directly for me, but every morning I'd walk by her station and she would smile a good morning. Sometimes we would talk about movies, but she never moaned and complained about the people she worked with. I can't remember ever hearing her fuss about her job (the pay wasn't great), moan about how hard it was (even on one of those days), bitch about how hot it was (even when the air conditioner was broken), or whine how so-and-so had done her wrong. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed her quite, smiling, no worries presence until she moved on. The new girl isn't a bad worker. It's just that  she is more like the rest of us: She spends at least 50% of her time complaining!

Everybody is good at something, and there are a lot of us who are good at complaining. A recent survey claims that most people spend half their waking hours bitching and moaning. Anyone who works has plenty to bitch and moan about: traffic, weather, short sighted bosses, absent coworkers, stupid people in general (a great all purpose complaint), plus our own aches, pains, cramps, nose bleeds, bashed fingers and on and on. Besides being boring as hell to us and everyone around us, this type of thinking is unproductive and wasteful. A little is fun. Sometimes everyone needs to vent. But enough already!

When I realized I could miss someone just because they smiled and didn't complain, I decided I needed a new saying to help me control my instinct to bitch and moan. You are welcome to try it yourself, if you want. Here it is:

Mustard is great on a hot dog, but even a little bit of mustard can ruin a lemon cake!

(Do I have to spell it out that "mustard" means complaining, "hot dogs" are times and places where everyone loves to bitch and moan, and "yellow cake" stands for good times, fun events and regular activities? I didn't think so.)

PS
I have a fun cartoon tip booklet called, "Rodney's 52 Ways to Impress Your Boss--Without Sucking Up!" I promise it's less mataforical and way more useful than this article. Check it out here. My booklet is a hoot and makes a wonderful business premium, holiday gift, year end thank you mailer or door buster special. E-mail me to learn more about buying in bulk.

The Word is ADAPT!

I just got back from the Carolina Star Safety and Health Conference in Greensboro, NC and one thing I learned was the importance of the word "adapt."

The local high school marching band came to entertain us, but of course, this giant band could barely fit on our stage. That's when the director told us, "I tell my kids there is one thing they need to learn and that is to adapt!" Not one child whined or complained, made a face or pitched a fit. They adapted, fit themselves onto the stage and gave a GREAT performance. That's what we need to do when we are faced with something new and unexpected: ADAPT!

When we stop changing, growing and learning, or become unwilling to accept new information, opportunities and insights, we fall behind. When we face facts, accept reality, deal with it and get on with it, then, and only then, we can win.

Larry Craig Can't be Trusted to Go to the Bathroom

Idaho Senator Larry Craig should resign. He's the man who pled guilty to a misdemeanor charge related to propositioning an undercover police officer while in a public toilet at an airport. Why should Larry Craig resign? Because he is a hypocrite for bashing gays while doing his best imitation of a slutty gay player? Nope. For talking like a weasel to the arresting officer? Nope. For using really bad judgment in propositioning a straight, undercover cop in a public place? Well, yeah, but that's not the main reason. I believe Larry Craig should resign because anyone who is too stupid to understand that pleading guilty means admitting you did something wrong, is someone who is too stupid to be carrying a pen in Washington, DC!

If you have an opinion on this matter, contact Larry Craig here.

If you just want to vent about how bad judgment by a business leader has ruined your day, or cost you your job--click on the word "Comments" below. Remember, no names please! I'd especially like to hear from you if you have tips on getting rid of rats before they sink the whole darned ship.

Are You More Impressive Dressed, or Undress?

How far would you go to impress the boss?

Would you let him pick your clothes?
Would you let him pick your underwear?
Would you date him. or sleep with him?
What if he was famous, or ugly but nice, or really rich?

Follow the link below, then you tell me: How far would you go to impress the boss?

Would you sleep with a prince, or a king, to get ahead?

Use the comment tool below to reply.

School and Work Shootings

We've just had the worst school shooting in the history of the United States. It happened at Virginia Tech (click here to visit their website), in Blacksburgh, VA. Even the initial reports bring news of heroism with teachers and students risking, and loosing, their lives helping save others. Most people don't  know this about me, but I have taught handgun classes and written articles for various firearms related publications. As someone familiar with guns and self defense, I was not surprised to learn that the shooter was a resident student at VA Tech. Sadly, spree killers usually attack places they know, people they feel have somehow harmed or wronged them, and groups they expect to be unarmed.

So, short of posting armed guards at the doors of every class room and office in America, or allowing all law abiding and well trained citizens (including adult students and employees) to carry guns, what can ordinary people do to protect themselves from this type of attack?

• If someone is shooting at you, or killing people near you--RUN! Better to be shot in the back and stumble to safety than to be killed outright.
• If you hear shots, don't check your e-mail or send a text message--LOCK THE DOOR and hide. Then you can call for help from relative safety.
  
• If you have no other choice, FIGHT BACK! You may be shot, if you are shot, you may die, but you might be able to hold the door long enough for others to escape, or stop the killer long enough for others to come to your aid.
  

It looks like all three of these tactics where used by survivors at VA Tech.

My only other comment on this issue is the suggestion to look at this not as a gun control or security issue. Instead, I see this primely as a mental health issue. This type of killing spree doesn't just happen. People don't just snap. It takes a lot of pressure and resistance to build up enough anger, bitterness and loathing to force someone who was once normal to became a raging spree killer. I'm not saying simple human kindness would have been enough to prevent this tragedy, but it makes a good start. Kindness, a sense of community, affordable or FREE mental health services, healthy outlets for anger and aggression, honorable escape routes for students in over their heads, less pressure from family, less isolation and alienation, more companionship or friendship might have improved everyone's life in Blacksburg.

I am certainly not condemning the good people at VA Tech. I love Virginia, and have always enjoyed the people I met there. VA Tech has a reputation as being a caring school, and certainly some of the professors tried to get the shooter the help he needed. It's is just that a box of ammo costs $25. Buying someone who looks stressed out a cup of coffee costs $2.50. Smiles are free. That's where I would start to prevent spree killings in American schools--with simple human kindness and better, more affordable, mental health care.

Gerald Ford

United States President Gerald Ford (July 1913 to December 2006) knew the secrets of how to get ahead without selling out or kissing up. What did Ford do that made him so special that he became the United States' only un-elected vice president and president? I believe President Ford became an expert at applying three of the tips you'll find in Rodney's 52 Ways to Impress Your Boss--Without Sucking Up! Here are some of the lessons I believe he took to heart as a young man.