Rodney Robbins
Awesome Possum Press, Inc.
P. O. Box 792
Maiden, NC
28650-0792
828-461-1306 EST
Let's not take this career stuff too seriously. Enough with all this doom-and-gloom. Just remember what the cyclops mom said to her two cyclops children when she saw them playing with sticks: "Oh, sure! It's all fun and games till somebody pokes out an eye!"
Cartoon tip posters are here!
My question is, how much would you pay for them?
These are posters made from the cartoons in my tip booklet "Rodney's 52 Ways to Impress Your Boss--Without Sucking Up!" I'm thinking of selling these full color, 8 1/2" x 11" posters as a package of nine. They can be used for gifts for the holidays, as motivational posters, as decorations, give aways or even thank you presents to customers.
For a closer look, just click on the photography.
The first three people to e-mail with their suggestions on what I should charge for a set of nine posters is going to get a poster free! Just click here for a chance to win a free poster, and be sure to include your name and address along with your price estimate.
Thanks for your help.
I believe finding the joy that may be hidden in your work is a wonderful way to boost your productivity and value while just plain having more fun. On the other hand, there is such an thing as too much joy. Here are five signs you may have moved beyond joy and into the realm of having-too-much fun.
5. If you are so happy you could spit, or some other word that sounds like spit, you might have too much joy.
4. If you actually fall asleep at work, you might not have too much joy, but you are definitely too content.
3. While giggling can be a sign of joy, uncontrolled giggling is a sign of fear, not enough alcohol to actually pass out, a good date gone bad, or too much joy.
2. If you are deeply into a wild spending spree and haven't just come from cashing your lottery check, you could have too much joy.
1. And finally, the number one sign you might have too much joy--nudity! There are very few legitimate jobs where nudity is a good thing, so if you are nude at work, even if you are having a great time, you almost certainly have too much joy!
You wouldn't think anything could be worse than nudity at work, but these signs are cumulative and when you see them in groups, you are (or someone you know is) in big trouble. The worst sign would be to snap awake (sleeping) because you are drooling (spitting), realize you are surrounded by overstuffed shopping bags (spending spree), then start to laugh (uncontrolled giggling) when you realize you are buck naked (nudity), at work and your boss is standing over you with your final paycheck and a spare towel to cover your oh-so-fired butt.
Now THAT is too much joy!
Tip # 39 Be Willing to "clean up nice" for special occasions. It's not selling out of sucking up to dress well for a big client, an awards banquet or the fund raising ball. Don't let your ten thousand dollar promotion go to someone else because you refused to wear anything but ripped jeans.
Need a holiday gift fast? Joke books are always fun at the holidays (at least in small doses). Below are some samples from one of my favorites.
What's the difference between an economist and a confused old man with Alzheimer's? The economist is the one with the calculator.
"What's wrong, Doctor? You look puzzled."
"I can't figure out exactly what's wrong with you. I think it's the result of heavy drinking."
"Well then, I'll just come back when you're sober."
"Hello? Is this the state mental hospital?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can I speak to Mr. Russell in room twenty-seven?"
"One moment please and I'll connect you ... (pause) ... I'm sorry, Mr. Russell is not answering."
"Good. That means I must have really escaped."
The link below goes to Amazon.com where 24 customers give it 4.5 stars. If you need a present quick, you might be able to pick this book up at your local bookstore. Just print out this page and take it with you. Actually, you are welcome to print out this page and try the jokes out at Christmas dinner. If you get a laugh, you might consider ordering the book to enjoy in the New Year.
Here is something fun for Christmas: a Laughing Buddha poem. I wrote this last year and it has been a very popular download at EzineArticles.com. I hope you enjoy it as well.
The Laughing Buddha's Christmas Wish
The Laughing Buddha, legends say,
Was born in China, on an ancient day.
His heart was big and his belly GRAND!
He carried a bowl and a sack close to hand.
Like a Zen Santa, I'd say he was,
Except he was bald as a peach, with FUZZ.
He'd look at each child with a magical twinkle,
And pull from that sack, in the corner, by a wrinkle ...
... JUST the right gift at JUST the right time,
He'd do it without effort or reason or rhyme.
"Oh, thank you Santa!" each child would say,
Except in Chinese, in their inscrutable way.
I, a young monk, asked the great man,
As we walked on the path, bowl and sack in hand,
"How do you guess? How do you know?
What gift to offer? What seed to sow?"
The Laughing Buddha gave a great chuckle.
He laughed so hard I thought his knees might buckle.
"It's easy, when you know where to begin:
Picture their face and look within.
"The greatest gift doesn't come in a box,
It's rarely a doll and it's never more socks.
The greatest gifts come from the heart.
That's the very best place to start."
The Buddha winked once, patted his belly twice,
Then disappeared in a shower of rice.
He left me the bag to hand out more stuff.
Why, there's something for YOU, right under this fluff!
The Laughing Buddha was a real person from China. If you've every eaten at a Chinese restaurant and seen a smiling, fat bellied Buddha statue near the front entrance, that's him! It is considered good luck, and perfectly proper, to rub his belly. The Laughing Buddha was not the same person as "Buddha," the founder of the Buddhist faith. For more on the Laughing Buddha click here.
Business tips. Helpful hints. Customer service secrets. It is my pleasure to share useful information with you in all these areas and more. Today, however, I wanted to try something different: Instead of just telling you something, I decided to dramatize it with a quirky little story. The next bit is a fictional account of my visit with an imaginary character who will not take responsibility for his own actions. How far wrong could a man go with this one simple mistake?
Like my imaginary friend Carmen Sutra, the Indian love goddess who gives me advice on marital bliss, the character Nedley J. Hardas is a complete fiction. There is also a good chance you know someone a lot like him. If you enjoy quirky settings and characters, read on.
PS
My wife didn't get this story, so don't be shy about sharing your comments--I've already been told it's a little on the weird side.
Continue reading "“It’s Not My Fault,” with Nedley J. Hardas" »
Janet called to duty came,
Charging fast, she changed her lane,
One more light and she’d be there:
The bosses house, her secret lair.
Reaching the curb, “Hop in!” Janet said,
But Janet’s boss was filled with dread,
The boss saw wrappers, pizza, one large stick,
And a candy bar, half eaten, by a tick.
A brush, a comb and pieces of hair,
Last week’s fresh washed underwear.
Empty bottles of Coors Lite,
They all reveals Janet’s inner plight.
“There’s plenty of room. Here, I’ll make a place!”
said Janet, hoping she could still save face.
“Oh, that’s fine,” said the boss looking gray.
“I believe I’ll work from home today.”
The chances are, your bosses drive a nicer cars than you do, and since they've probably been around longer, they've probably ridden in even nicer cars than they own. So, one trick for impressing your boss without sucking up, or busting your budget, is to keep your vehicle in good running order and reasonably clean. We can all do that much.
To play the Sex Scandal Game, add up your points as you read, and score yourself at the end. Remember, the only safe sex scandal is one you have nothing to do with! Get your pen out and let's get started.
No points for regular sex, in private, with another consenting adult--even if it's a coworker. You can earn 5,000 bonus points for doing the CEO of your company and 10,000 points if you still have your job 3 months later. No regular points for doing it with a famous politician, but you do get 20,000 sympathy points since your face will be all over the Internet before the next election cycle is complete (remember, the more discreet you are, the more likely your partner is to brag). Subtract 500 points for having sex with the boss who controls your paycheck--what are you, crazy?
No points for straight sex, with a co-worker, in a semi-public place. Add 2,000 points if a crowd forms to listen or watch. Bonus of 5,000 points if the whole thing ends in a public brawl, but take 1,500 points off if someone gets pictures--nobody wants to see your naked butt hanging out there like that!
No points for visiting a strip club while on a business trip. Add 1,000 bravery points for using the company credit card to pay for your lap dances, plus an additional one point per dollar spent over your former yearly salary. The current record is $250,000 on the company card, by one person, in one night. Beat that if you can, but don't expect to keep your job
No points for renting an apartment for your mistress. If you use company money, add 6,000 bravery points. If you have documentation from your boss telling you to rent an apartment to "entertain" clients, add 4,000 points (but you still lose your job if the stock holders find out). Subtract 10,000 loser points if you rented the apartment, called the hookers, set-up the dates and never got any for yourself--what’s wrong with you?
No points for attending an orgy on your own time. Add 2,000 points for actually attending one sponsored by the public relations department at your company. Since someone always brings a camera to these things, you get an extra 9,500 points if you participate, but your picture never appears on the Internet or Fox News. Good work.
Scoring the Sex Scandal Game
So, how did you do? 0-1,000 points means you are dull, but probably still employed. 1,001 to 15,000 says “get a room,” preferably in the same building where you work. 15,001 to 50,000, screams “no fair!” It's not nice when professionals toy with amateurs. Over 50,000 points? You need your own web site. Want more fun? Google “sex scandal” and try to figure out where these true-life sex scandals came from.
