Living with Chronic Illness, Muscular Dystrophy, Periodic Paralysis, Celiac Disease, Migraine, Heart Disease, Diabetes

The Second Happiness--Oops!

Energy, or diligent effort, is the second kind of happiness. Putting forth effort, generating energy, getting things done, keeping after it and feeling good about your accomplishments is a wonderful way to be happy. It is also a tricky kind of happiness, especially if you live with chronic illness. Let me give you an example.

The Second Happiness--Gone Wrong

When I was very ill, I had a half dozen doctors in a row tell me there was nothing wrong with me--boy were they wrong! I should have had faith in myself, and treated myself with more respect. Instead, I misused my energy by doing things I KNEW would make me worse. Basically, I would provoke attacks of paralysis so I could reassure myself that I was right. I did a great job at reassuring myself and being right, but I was also miserable and in horrible pain a LOT.

That was NOT the right way to be diligent. That was using energy to make myself miserable. That was self-abuse that was at least as wrong as the abuse I took from doctors. Yeah, they couldn't diagnose the difference between a rat and a mouse, but I was an idiot!

Put YOUR energy into things that make you feel better. Have faith in yourself. I guarantee you'll start feeling better just as soon as you stop hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

 

The Second Happiness--Energy

If faith or confidence is the First Happiness, then ENERGY is the Second Happiness. Everything is easier when we have enough energy, enough power, enough juice to meet the day's challenges. When we have energy, we feel happy. Of course, the flip side of high energy is low energy. Some days, we don't have enough energy and life sucks. It sucks because we can't do what we want, can't go where we want, can't meet with people, do chores, work, get things done, go play, horse around or even get up to go to the bathroom. For me, when I don't have enough energy to make love to a beautiful woman, that's a bad day.

So, when you live with a chronic illness (or three) there are two ways to approach the Second Happiness:

1. We can guard your energy, build it up, find more of it, protect it, use it and enjoy it. At the same time ...
2. On bad days, we need to accept life as it is, conserve our energy, enjoy what little we have, make peace with our weakness, learn what we can let go of and be willing to accept a different, peaceful, quiet sort of energy.

On days when I notice I have lots of energy, I enjoy it, but try not to get so carried away that I end up crashing the next day. (Having to temper my happiness makes me sad, but that's what I have to do to get by.) On days when I find I have less energy, I don't fight it. On bad days, I just don't have enough energy to Fight the River or Rage at the Machine. Good day or bad day, I still enjoy life. But it's like the weather: I enjoy being snowbound. I enjoy walking in fresh air. I enjoy a gloomy day sleeping on the couch. I enjoy a sunny day riding my motorcycle in the mountains.