I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday. She said, "I'm sorry I missed our appointment last Friday. I friend of mine had a brain embolism, and I completely forgot about you." I told my friend that was fine and completely understandable. When I asked if her other friend was okay, she said, "No. She died. But it was probably for the best--after all, she was having a pretty hard time with rheumatoid arthritis."
I was stunned.
Maybe someone would be better off completely dead rather than brain dead from a stroke, or better off dead than completely paralyzed from spinal injury, but better off dead than living with arthritis? Don't get me wrong, I understand that arthritis can be extremely painful. I knew a man years ago who was only in his twenties and had already had both hips replaced due to arthritis. That's certainly not good, but would he have been better off dead rather than living with a chronic illness?
Where am I on that scale?
I live with three chronic illnesses. I can't eat what I want because most grains are literally poison to me. I never know when I'll get a horrible migraine. Sometimes, just a tiny bit too much activity is enough to leave me weak (or paralyzed), sore, cranky and bitter for days. If someone is better off dead with one chronic illness (rheumatoid arthritis), I guess I'm better of dead, burned to ash, ashes ground to dust and dust sprinkled over the ocean from 20,000 feet. Since I live with three chronic illnesses, maybe I shouldn't exist at all.
My God!
Is it just ignorance that makes people think like that? Was this poor lady with the embolism so much worse off than most people with arthritis? Was she suicidal? Did SHE want to die, or was it just a blessing for some of the other people around her? I have days when I wish I was dead, but only because I wish I could live a different life--one without so much pain; a life that wasn't so thick, one where I could accomplish more, a life with more energy to enjoy my family. But as soon as I get some rest, time and medicine, I realize I am NOT better off dead ...
... I'm glad I'm alive!
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