Rodney Robbins Fun Autobiography

When you are writing biographies for the talent in your shows (or mine), make them fun, make them a little off-beat. Reporters read lots of these things and a biography that makes them smile will be appreciated. Here is a fun autobiography of yours truly.

Rodney Robbins Autobiography

1. Don’t tell anyone, but I have a history of crashing motor bikes. It started when I was little. I crashed a friend’s mini-bike when I panicked and pegged the throttle. Then I dropped a buddy’s bike in the parking lot after high school graduation because I dumped the clutch. Since I’m a slow learner, I also dropped my first motorcycle (a super-moto) and slid in the gravel and dropped my latest bike (a maxi-scooter) with my mom on the back.
2. I clip my nails so close, I have to polish the bones on the ends of my fingers.
3. While swimming at a lake one summer, I got caught in some weeds, and almost drowned because the exertion pushed me into a paralysis attack. That’s was a bad thing.
4. For me, the best time to write is early in the day when my brain is awake, but my body isn’t. That way, I’m too weak to get up or move anything but my fingers, so I might was well just sit there and type.
5. My biggest academic screw-up was failing out of senior English class after the first day. The teacher wanted to do a little "easy review," and I had no earthly idea what she was talking about. Why would I diagram a sentence? It’s not a house boat! Either the sentence says what you want it to say, or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, change the darned thing! I think God invented English grammar to give people with OCD something to worry about.
6. The stupidest thing I ever did was to provoke paralysis attacks to get back at my doctor--and then not go to the ER.
7. The biggest pain in my backside is not being able to eat wheat! No bread. No gravy. No fried chicken. No cookies, crackers, rolls or pastry unless it’s made by Gluten Free elves and blessed by Saint Honorius (patron saint of bakers). I still eat out, but I think every waiter and waitress in North Carolina has heard my entire medical history and food allergy list at least once.
8. I’m not a bad actor, but my stillness works better on film than on stage.
9. Whining gives me headaches. Red wine gives me migraines. The whine of a 1,200 cc four cylinder motorcycle engine gives me tickets.
10. In my entire life, I don’t think I ever beat my father at a shooting match. Not once. Pistols or rifles--he was the best. If he was still here today, I’d let him win one more time.